dear bob, it really is a never ending cycle of the things i relearn and relearn and relearn
Wednesday, May. 14, 2003 - 12:06 am
have you ever looked back on something, and suddenly remembered all the details, and it all came rushing back. and you realized, you lost it. you screwed up. what could have been your complete everything, isn't because of you. i did that tonight. everything came rushing back, and i realized i had already taught myself everything, that if i wanted it, i could have it, but something inside my head kept telling me not to do it, and looking back i wished i had. you would think i would have learned from my mistakes, but i didn't. and i'm sorry. i'm sorry i haven't learned by now. but i still don't think i've learned. and i don't know if i ever will, or how long it will take. and i remember the advice of a friend, she said "take it from me, go with what you want to do, what you feel is most right, because if you let it get away, it's going to hurt all the more." and at the time i remember thinking that i knew she would be right, but i didn't take the advice. maybe that's something you have to learn for yourself, i don't know. gah, i'm still really messed up. all i need is summer. i need last summer, i need the summer of freedom weekend, of girl's nights, of real world and road rules, of driving, of everything. i need that now. i need that more than anything. i need to not be confused.
only 7 more days of school. thank bob. Lord, please help me have the strength to get through it, and help me know that i can do it. not too much longer! and then WE'RE SENIORS! :) that's really exciting! and scary, but i'm sure, based on who's diary your reading, you could have guessed that i was gonna say that. lol....
