happy again
Wednesday, Jul. 16, 2003 - 10:44 pm
lately or for awhile now, i have been not very happy. and this week especially has been really crappy for me. like a lot has happened. i broke up with my boyfriend, i'm having some trust issues, i haven't felt right with my friends for some reason. and i've had a lot of trouble just listening to God and trying to understand what He has put in front of me.
but i had an amazing night tonight. and i kind of didn't expect it either, which makes it far better. irene and i went and talked for awhile and then we prayed and then we saw the most incredible and beautiful sunset. it was sooo pretty, i loved it. it was so perfect and such perfect timing. not coincidence, pure God. i wish i had had a camera, but it was a moment i will never forget. very good for the soul - just peaceful, and beautiful, and you could really feel God. orange, pink, red, purple...mmm i loved it.
i learned that sometimes i get so caught up in other people and their well being that i forget about myself. and sometimes i'm so busy and so caught up in everything around me that i forget i just need a rest. and i forget that i need time for myself. i've been physically, mentally, spiritually drained with just everything that's been going on- between matt, and kat, and lee, and lane moving, and just plain growing up. and i just somewhere a long the way lost myself. and then that got in the way of my relationship with God. and i just felt like i was losing my mind. but i know now that there is a purpose in all that's going on. and i don't know what the outcome is but i know that it will be okay, and that God knows what He's doing and that He's gonna take care of me. and that i'm going to learn so much from everything and that it's going to make me stronger. and i know that i'll be happy again. and i know that my relationships with everyone will be okay again. and that brings me a lot of comfort. i am just trusting what's happening. b/c i know it's going to be great in the end. and i'm already starting to hear God so much more clearly. and now i know that it's okay to need someone to listen to you and to just talk to you. and that it can make all the difference in the world. and that i should never ever be scared of that.
i'm going to the beach next week. and i can't wait. b/c i really just need some time for myself. and i have this incredible feeling that God is going to speak to me in an amazing way there and i know that i'm gonna come back a lot happier and refreshed and ready to go.
but even right now i feel like the world and everything in it is really beautiful. i'm happy again.
and kind of on a random, yet relevant note...i think that sometimes it's just that growing up just ... to put it simply sucks. you're trying to find yourself, you're having incredible relationships, you're in school. just everything. but it's so amazing at the same time. and i wouldn't trade any of it for the world. and i'm begining to realize that my time in growing up, and in high school, and in this moment is coming to a close. but i don't want to dwell on it, i would rather make the most of it. and so i'm hoping just from here on out is incredible. and i love you guys and i want for all of us...just to be us. and it's gonna be great.
now on a completely random note... i have officially crowned this summer the summer of the magic stick and the ba-dunk-dunk-dunk
