hmmm.... what to do what to do
Thursday, Nov. 20, 2003 - 9:50 pm
hm... i haven't updated lately so i thought i would... but mainly just because i'm waiting for ER to come on. haha.
so cross country is over. and i miss it. and there's really know way to describe that, it's too big. i just miss it...
i figured out today that i'm the most cheesy person on earth. like everything i want to happen to me is so... corny. like i just want for things to be this certain way, and no one's life is like that, but hey... maybe mine will! and i'm sure that really didn't make any sense to anyone... but that's alright. haha
i want more than this. i'm ready for more than this. i'm ready to give myself away. (and i didn't mean that sexual so SHUT UP!)
...the smile on your face lets me know that you need me... the smile on my face only comes when you're around... i miss... people (<--- for lack of wanting to be specific, and i'm sure that wasn't obvious)
today, i (also) realized that everyone i'm around is in a serious relationship. and i'm always part of "the sex" and frankly i'm rather sick of it and i'm rather tired of watching it and i'm rather tired of being around it. but i guess that's not really anything i can control...can i?
part of me is so so soooo dreading going to college. i mean, everyone has been talking about how much they "can't wait to be out" and i just hear that and i'm like "ya know...i really don't think high school is all that bad...in fact i kind of like it" (part of that is that i'm scared of change and a creature of habit but yeah...) and there's just so much stuff i'm going to miss, and i don't want to picture myself without that. and everything i've been through, i'm such a ... different person but i love it (most of the time haha) the fights, the tears, the insecurties, the laughs, the crazy nights, everything. i love it.
and then... there's that OTHER part of me
WHO WANTS TO GET OUT OF HERE SO BAD! i'm just ready to go to college. and i'm ready to be in a different environment and around different people. (not to dis you guys but i'm not exactly meetin anyone new in high school if ya get my drift!) and i'm just ready to start that part of my life (sometimes...i think haha) but i can't... i can't decide where to go. clemson- i know this place, i love this place, everything is here, my life is here. but then auburn- part of me just yearns to get out of here. and just start all over. and become something new, still myself, but new. and i don't know... oh, the trama of growing up?... right?!! *rolls eyes*
i can't wait til thanksgiving...yum yum food and lots to be thankful for!
clemson vs. chicken shit this saturday! woo! go tigers!
so this was a... good entry, yet... so retarded at the same time!
oo! ER! gotta go!
love you guys, have fun and don't forget to SMILE! JESUS LOVES YOU!
